Its hard to escape the sense that the golfing authorities feel someone like John Daly constructs the place untidy
News that the R& A is considering John Daly’s request for permission to use a buggy for July’s Open at Royal Portrush has been met by a growing chorus of people saying that it shouldn’t be. The debate seems to be that golf has worked hard not to be seen as something that fat middle-aged guys can win- I paraphrase slightly- and that Daly using a buggy would make a mockery of all that valuable progress, even though no one else would probably ever seek to do it. And even though that was one of the fun things about golf- which is, let’s face it, still not the 100 metres final.
If you missed the background to all this, Daly went round last week’s US PGA Championship in a buggy, in which he had stashed the usual pack of fags and a McDonald’s beaker. Owing to the osteoarthritis in a knee, he successfully applied under disability legislation. Alas, the decision was frowned upon by various bears, including Tiger Woods, who sniffed:” I strolled with a broken leg …” Which, for me, served as one of those bi-weekly reminders of how it’s possible to love Timbers and utterly hate pretty much everything about him. I guess each man has his appetites to master, so it did stimulate me wonder if Woods ever had sex with any of his cocktail waitresses with a broken leg. If so: all well and good, champ. You’re a real hero.
Since then, further commentators have suggested Daly” did the athletic a disservice” by insisting on a buggy, with claims that allowing him to do it again would” demean golf “.
Really? All this puts me in intellect of The Day Today sketch where the serial murderer Chapman Baxter is to be executed in the manner of his own choosing. This turns out to be sitting on an electric toilet, full in narcotic drugs and cheeseburgers, thereby imitating the deaths among his hero, Elvis Presley. The chairman of the local Elvis fan club is told by a Tv news reporter that some people might say this is debasing the memory of the monarch.” No, ma’am ,” comes the answer.” King did that himself by dying on the john in a big nappy .”
And so- in a way- with golf. The notion that Daly could devalue it by using a buggy is fairly adorable. Golf does that itself. The powers that be in the game debase it more than any player ever maybe could. The absolute worst thing about golf is the people in charge of it, from club level to tour level to the R& A, and the notion that it would be desirable to hear any more from them about their interminable regulations, ever, is absurd.
The most deadly perception problem that golf has- still- is not that out-of-shape people can win at it, but that it’s regulations preoccupied, elitist and would do anything it could not to share itself with people who look like you. Hey, I’m not saying you look like Daly- but I bet you look like you might like a pint with him. And that, as far as the disapproving bores in charge of a game they don’t actually own are concerned, is the thin end of the wedge.
Still, what a wedge! I imagine it starts with” simply one pint”, then aims 72 hours later in Rio, with no notion how you got there, playing tee shoots off the arms of Christ the Redeemer.