4 Ways Trump Outrages Liberals( Obama Got S ** t For, Too)

Roughly one month into power, President Donald Trump’s administration has caused more gaffes than a gaffelypse in Gaffetown. Has any administration ever caused this many partisan shitstorms in so little time?

Nope! But that’s not solely the defect of Trump or his sinister cabal of advisors. Their legitimate scandals( like the fraudulent Trump foundation, hosting foreign diplomats in his hotel, or that fake college he ran) get buried in an ocean of tales like this 😛 TAGEND Via Independent
Feel free to induce your own “I’m Rick James” jokes .

Social media constructs the barrage of nitpicky criticisms feel new, and some of it is( we’ve never had a member of the President’s staff advertise for his daughter’s garment line before ). But a lot of it has nothing to do with Trump, because for some reason all of us, left and right, want to detest opposing chairwomen for the exact same bullshit reasons. And that’s why with every change of power, we get regurgitated tales like …

4

“He’s Disrespecting The Oval Office! ”

Let’s be honest here: The Oval Office is merely a round room where, statistically, most of our chairwomen have done the majority of their farting. But thanks to internet news cycles, every eight-ish years, it becomes a holy shrine to one half of the country — usually the side that opposes the president. A month ago, there was a minor controversy over how Steve Bannon garmented in the Oval Office 😛 TAGEND Via Slate
Note: He was wearing a giant turkey attire .

And while Democrat are the ones shrilly extol the sanctity of the Oval Office today, Republicans got just as butthurt eight years ago, when President Obama dared to put his feet on a desk .

Does it look familiar?

Via Perezhilton

LBJ whipping out his dick( nicknamed “Jumbo”) at all persons who passed by the Oval Office didn’t dishonor it, and neither did Warren Harding’s bootleg whiskey habit, but sit the wrong way or put your shoes on the wrong thing, and you can rest assured at the least half the country will call for your fucking head.

The truth is that the Oval Office is a running goddamn office. And when people work really hard out of one room for years while constantly surrounded by cameras, they’re going to get caught seeming less-than-airbrushed 😛 TAGEND

And by the way, Steve “The Human Jowl” Bannon’s failure to wear a full suit in the Oval isn’t exactly novel either. Back in 2009, George W. Bush’s former chief of staff attacked President Obama for permitting his staff to go without jackets in the oval office, because Lord knows nothing productive was ever accomplished without a blazer.

On the upside, at the least that’s one piece of common ground between the left and the right. Both sides abruptly become convinced the Oval Office is sacred as soon as their guy leaves it.

3

“He Salutes Too Often! Or Not Enough! ”

George H.W. Bush was the last chairman to date who insured combat. Most of our recent chairwomen spent “peoples lives” as civilians, running as professors or business owners or deans of fraudulent universities. They don’t take office with a comprehensive knowledge of when and how it’s appropriate to salute. Which is why you get stuff like this 😛 TAGEND In case you’re wondering, the president is allowed to salute whoever the fucking he pleases, and he doesn’t have to salute anyone. Also, do you have any notion how often the president gets saluted at? With enough cameras, you’ll eventually snap a picture of the president not saluting a soldier or the flag. And if you’re lazy, it also turns out that Photoshop exists 😛 TAGEND

When Snopes looked into this one, they found out it was a fake. Whoever built it knew that the most wonderful style to get a chairman on thousands of shitlists is to induce him seem vaguely disrespectful of the flag, a veteran or, ideally, some sort of sentient flag that was wounded in Fallujah. Double phases if you can find a picture of the first lady not saluting something salutable.

And hey, while we’ve got the first lady here …

2

“The President’s Marriage Is On The Rocks! ”

OK, so Republicans got a pass for this one back in the ‘9 0s. People had to testify about President Clinton’s dick before Congress. International Comedy Law assures you at least a few years of jokes off of that. But George W. and Laura Bush also generated divorce rumors 😛 TAGEND The Bushes were lucky enough that most of his presidency went by before social media took off. The Obama marriage tackled a fully grown internet, and the result was … well, the same, actually. Right down to the expression on the first lady’s face 😛 TAGEND

In fairness to the Obamas, they’ve had to endure a hell of a lot more public supposition about their marriage than the Bushes, and holy shit is this not going to stop being a thing under President Trump. We’ve already seen news sites consult body language experts to diagnose the First Wedding as “lacking affection.” And Twitter took this eight-second clip of Melania Trump …

… and turned it into a diagnosis of fucking spousal abuse 😛 TAGEND

If you dislike our orange fuckwind of a chairman, it’s easy to look at how clearly unhappy Melania seems there and run “SHE MUST HATE THAT MAN.” But y’know what’s an even more likely explanation? She doesn’t like standing outside for hours in the middle of January in Washington , D.C. In front of millions of people. How weird!

1

“The President is Always On Vacation! ”

Remember when President Bush told a bunch of reporters to “watch this drive” after issuing a statement about a terrorist attack in Israel?

Michael Moore utilized that clip to open a documentary about how severely Bush sucked. And it really is a perfect depiction of him as an entitled frat son someone handed the nuclear suitcase to. But also, like, what the fuck was he supposed to do? The chairman is always on call, and if something terrible happens while he’s golfing, he might have to comment on it while he’s golfing. Do we are willing to our chairwomen to avoid all silly-looking recreational activities, never relax, and eventually fire a nuke into Belgium out of sheer frustration?

Apparently!

Yes, President Obama drew an unprecedented quantity of shit for his pastime, even though he spent far less total vacation time than President Bush. In fact, one of the Americans most vocal about his dislike for Obama’s hobby time was none other than Donald Trump …

And that brings us to today, as America’s puritanical position toward the personal lives of its Chairmen has culminated in the election of a leader who reflects our own hypocrisy back at us 😛 TAGEND

God, it’s like verse. Poetry that we have find and will continue to see with every new chairman until the Sun runs nova.

Robert Evans has a book about how all your most shameful vices secretly built civilization. You can buy it now ! It’s Spring Break! You know what that entails! Hot coeds getting loose on the beaches of Cancun and becoming threatened in all classic beach slasher styles: Man-eating shark, school of piranhas, James Franco with dreadlocks. There are so many films about vacations gone wrong, it’s a chore to wonder if there’s even such a thing as a movie vacation run right. Amity Island and Camp Crystal Lake are out. So what does that leave? The ship from Wall-E? Hawaii with the Brady Bunch? A road trip with famous curmudgeon Chevy Chase? On this month’s live podcast Jack O’Brien and the Cracked staff are joined by some special guest comedians to figure out what would be the best vacation to take up a fictional world . Get your tickets here :

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