15 Bartenders Share Their Most Extreme, Disgusting, And Hilarious Stories

2. A PUDDLE OF VOMIT

My college town was home to one of the diviest bars I’ve ever been to. It was also the only place in the zip code that served hard liquor after 10 PM, so it was reliably packed and never had any incentive to improve. My task there basically involved coming in the morning after big party nights and cleaning the bathrooms. In general, it wasn’t too bad-you desensitize yourself to most of the common odors pretty quickly-but I had a real’ wow, fuck you’ moment when one aggressive imbiber hurled up all over the place and then Houdini’d their way out of the stalling, leaving the door locked from the inside. I had no way to get in, and wasn’t about to slide through a puddle of vomiting, so I left it. Then I got fired.

3. a pond of blood about a quarter- to a half-inch deep

One time, I observed a pond of blood about a quarter- to a half-inch deep. It spread over the entire floor of the bathroom-like out of a horror film. There was enough blood that the person or persons hemorrhaging would surely need emergency-room therapy. The weird thing was, we had no opposes that night, and no one came in or left the bar bleed. It’s a small bar, so we would have noticed. My boss only raised his eyebrows and told’ weird ,’ then went on closing up the bar.

4. TWO GIRLS PEEING IN TO-GO CUPS

I’ve observed poop on the seat( how do you even do that ?), molly shells on the floor, and one time, after a private event, I opened the closet to set stuff away and there were two daughters pee-pee in to-go beakers. Seriously? The bathroom was across the hall.

5. USED TAMPONS TAPED TO THE BATHROOM WALL

One time person taped their used tampons to the bathroom stalling. Yes, tampons. With an S. Plural.

6. PULL YOUR WIFE’S HAIR DURING SEX

This bartender I knew in Westlake Village had this married couple come in all the time. The guy was loaded and his wife was always decked out. You could tell she was way out of his league, but he had fund. He was the kind of guest that would always castigate waitstaff and tip-off like shit. So one day toward the end of the night, he shut his bill and said to the bartender in front of everyone,’ I got a tip-off for you: get a real task .’ The bartender responded with,’ I got a tip-off for you. Pull your wife’s hair during sexuality. I did it to her last week when you were out of town and she loved it .’ The wife only maintained telling’ I am sorry’ over and over again.

7. I’M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND

There’s this dude who always comes in who sold some shitty tech company Mark Cuban-style for a lot of money during one of the bubbles, and talks about all his Teslas and shit, and how he could own this bar, and buy this and that. Literally, whenever he’s out at some Ted Talk or golfing with Marissa Mayer or whatever they do, I have sex with his girlfriend, who is kind of a shitty lay and has some weird demons of her own, but that’s obviously not the phase. Anyway, whenever he’s in, I always send them over shootings and toast’ to the things you’ll learn tomorrow ‘, which he thinks is some Zen bullshit, but I actually literally mean finding out that I’m having sexuality with his girlfriend.

8. POEMS THAT BORDERED ON THE MENTALLY INSANE

I observed six different napkins taped to the wall of a toilet stalling with beautifully intricate sketches of girls who were in the bar that night and poems to them that bordered on the mentally insane.

9. a girl sitting in her own barf and still doing coke

Once, I strolled in on a girl sitting in her own barf and still doing coke. It still makes me giggle.

10. TWO GUYS HAD A POO FIGHT

I was working in a nightclub one quiet evening when the sudden odor of poop started lurking around in the downstairs area next to the toilet and dance floor. One of the male administrators went into the men’s bathroom and detected poop all over the floor. We watched the security videotapes to figure out how the poop get outside the bathroom. Turns out two guys had a poo oppose and fished their freshly brewed turds out the bowl and started to be hurl them at each other.

11. GAY MEN’S REVENGE

One of the years that I actually had to work[ St. Patrick’s Day ], a guy came in, jacked up on steroids, alcohol, and tiger blood, wearing bead necklaces and a tight green shirt. His buddy ordered Irish Car Bombs while he took a phone call. I politely informed them that we didn’t do bombs, and I’d need to see some identification before we go much further. Buddy produced an ID, but the’ roid-monster ignored me until his buddy got his attention. Turns out it had just expired. I told him I couldn’t serve him as a result, and he flipped. He told me to come over here and say it to my face! Then he called me every lesbian slur in the book and asked my where my bouncer was. The bar just so happened to be occupied by six or eight very wonderful long-term patrons who happened to be gay men. He wasn’t there much longer.

12. FAILED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL( ON THE SECOND DATE)

A guy asked me to help him propose to his girlfriend. He gives me the ring and tells me to set it on top of her beverage. I bring the drink out and she has the’ What the fucking ?’ looking when he falls on his knee. She hurls the drink at the poor guy and runs out of the bar. Turns out, it was their second date.

13. A GUY WHO CAME IN ALREADY COMPLETELY SHITFACED

I once had a guy who came in already altogether shitfaced. He stood up to greet his date, tripped over a bar stool, and face-planted. He only laid on the floor without moving or saying anything until she left.

14. I HATE SODA

‘I’ll have a rum and Coke.’
I make it. It sits 30 seconds, _she doesn’t touch it. Looks at me and tells, _’This is disgusting.’
‘ I’m sorry, have you even tried it ?’
‘ No. I hate soda.’
‘ Then why did you order a rum and Coke ?’
‘ I thought that’s just what people order. How was I supposed to know there’s soda in it ?! Give me an apple cider instead.’

15. THE FREELOADER

This fucker sits down at my bar and picks up a beverage that clearly wasn’t his( he hadn’t ordered anything !). It was a completely full Old Fashioned, covered with a coaster. The guy whose beverage this was, was outside smoking, this ass-hat comes in, sits in his clearly occupied seat, and starts drinking his beverage. Then can’t believe he had to pay for it. What is incorrect with people?

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